Letting go of my inner people pleaser on a menopause retreat at Les Marguerites in France
Suzy Walker reviews a menopause retreat in the South of France, where she lets go of her inner people pleaser, forages for healing herbs and learns how to eat, sleep and live optimally post menopause
I stood still beside the rushing river. I gripped my pebble before throwing it into water running through the ancient, medieval village of Alet-les-Bains in the South of France. It was day one of the menopause retreat and our therapist had given us the first question of the week to ponder: For our next mid-life chapter - what did we want to let go of?
Our small group of six women - aged 48 to 62 from company directors and teachers to scientists and property moguls - discussed this question in depth and then in a symbolic act of letting go, we were invited to throw our pebble into the water and with it, our unwanted negative thoughts and habits. ‘Take that, people pleasing,’ I said out loud. The water gurgled happily, my mood lifted.
Just about to hit my mid-fifties, I had been feeling rather fat and flat and sleep-deprived with various menopausal symptoms nibbling away at my sanity. Friends encouraged me to go on to HRT but with breast cancer in the family, I wanted to explore all the routes to feeling like myself again. My son had just gone to university and I had left my big job last year, so this retreat was a chance to focus on myself, look at my mid-life health needs and to figure out what I wanted to create in the next era of my life.
The retreat was hosted by Antoinette Fairhurst, who bought Les Marguerites, a 190-year-old shuttered chambre d’hôtel, 13 years ago and transformed it into an award-winning accommodation and retreat centre with a swimming pool, sun deck and tree dappled grounds.
“Being hosted by Antoinette is like going home to a mother you always wished you had. My body intuitively knew it could relax. My insomnia disappeared on my very first night and I slept through till dawn for the first time in 25 years”
Originally trained as an NNEB (nursery nurse), Antoinette has gone from being a trained doula and owning her own nursery school, to being head of HR for a small IT company but running the retreat centre is the one thing that has felt like ‘her calling,’ she says. And you can tell. She has created a deeply nourishing space where aromatherapy oils burn in every room, cosy fires are lit, huge soft cloud-like beds envelop you at night and the well-thought out, menopause-friendly menus nourish you from inside out. Being hosted by Antoinette is like going home to a mother you always wished you had. My body intuitively knew it could relax. My insomnia disappeared on my very first night and I slept through til dawn for the first time in 25 years.
If Antoinette looks after body and soul, her wing woman psychotherapist Hazel Ratcliffe gently tended our minds. Working in Women’s Health and Wellbeing for most of her career, Hazel created a gentle programme of meditation, coaching exercises and imaginative sessions created to help boost our self-awareness. I had gone with a couple of new business ideas but with Hazel’s gentle probing, I realised I needed to give myself more space and time to ‘just be’ versus jumping into the next big job.
We created our own affirmation cards, and I would begin my day with an inspiring thought picked from my beautiful hand-sewn gift bag. Every evening, the group would sit around the fire and we’d each pick a Goddess card and read out their messages to each other – an inspiring and meaningful end to every day. The pace felt gentle and slow – Hazel encouraging us to stop rushing and ‘be still ‘so we could hear the wisdom of our own thoughts and hearts.
We started the week in a very grounded way. Hazel had us playing a game and picking randomly themed ‘hormonal’ objects blind from a big bag – from lube to razors. This had us discussing all things menopause with no filter - everything from chin hair to dry vaginas - nothing was off limits! It was joyous to be in a room of women of a similar age in a safe place where we could confess our menopause woes. It was a light, funny and bonding session where we discussed the challenges of mid-life. I was blessed to be in the company of a group of lovely, honest, and inspiring women who weren’t trying to compete or prove anything – it felt like a real sisterhood – affirming, positive, kind and funny.
Every day, Antoinette would give us daily lectures in a very natural, informal way over breakfast, lunch and dinner about what will help us boost oestrogen naturally and how we could eat optimally at this time in our lives. We feasted every mealtime on wholesome, nutrient dense food. My favourite dish of the week was Salmon Kerala.
‘Salmon is rich in both vitamin D and omega-3 fats, two nutrients that are even more essential during menopause. Omega 3 fatty acids are linked to reducing night sweats, breast cancer risk and vaginal dryness,’ Antoinette would educate us fully. ‘Garlic boosts your immune system. It contains phytoestrogens so it goes towards balancing your hormones too and will help to prevent menopausal symptoms like hot flushes. Plus turmeric helps woman manage the symptoms of menopause such as hot flushes and joint pain, it is known for its anti-inflammatory properties. It also helps clear out excess oestrogen. Coconut milk is a naturally good source of magnesium which helps to keep bones strong and prevents osteoporosis.’ Antoinette was a fount of all knowledge - and that was just one meal! We came away from the retreat with a recipe book crammed full of information and ways to support ourselves nutritionally. Mealtimes were fun as well as educational. With chocolate and wine both on offer, it felt like we were on holiday versus a retreat.
On our third day, we went hiking in the hills above the house with Laurie Beaufils, a local botanist who helped us forage for plants. A two-hour walk combined with Laurie’s passion for the healing power of plants and you felt viscerally connected to the field to fork cycle. Rather than it being dry theory, Laurie had us eating berries and tasting herbs from the ground and bushes. We made sage and mint tea on our return home. ‘It’s antibacterial, antiviral, antifungal, and antioxidant,’ enthused Laurie. We went on to spend an incredibly satisfying two hours at the kitchen table with Laurie teaching us how to create our own healing balms with aromatherapy oils and we each came away with our own signature product.
Our final full day was bliss – where we were put into the hands of healing masseurs Pedro and Sophie, who - with a combination of massage therapy and Biodynamic Craniosacral therapy and reiki work - gave each of us a 90-minute massage. Specialising in stress and trauma resolution and relieving chronic or longstanding pain, Pedro and Sophie's session was magical. I felt something shift and release in me. I was ready to let go of my old life and relax into the new.
From throwing a pebble at the beginning of the week to a full body surrender at the end, this retreat felt like a slow, gentle, deeply nourishing transformation as I stopped gripping on so hard to my old life. Over the week, I let myself slowly unfurl and deeply rest. I left with a brand-new vision for my health and life.
