Tuning into my spirituality online with Jessica McGregor Johnson
Zoe Ross reviews a private spiritual transformation retreat online, and finds that real, resonating change is possible without leaving home
Without the usual scene-setting preamble, no birds chirping or dirt tracks leading to a villa perched on a mountainside, I found myself at my desk, having trotted no further than a few metres across my flat to arrive here, on retreat. In preparation for the intensive two days I was about to spend Zooming with Jessica McGregor Johnson, I had read her book, Remembering Perfection, and we had had an introductory conversation a few days previously, to make the initial connection and get a feel for each other.
This meant I felt orientated and ready to leap into the programme, aware already that the only governing agenda would be my intention - in my case, to 'embrace and trust where life is now, and connect meaningfully and energetically with life every day.' Which was handy, given that the first thing we did was a guided meditation, eyes closed. On Zoom. The temptation to open one eye or grapple for my phone was there, but having established trust and having already made the investment of reading Jessica's book and meeting one another, it felt important - and possible - to really drop in. The fact that this was a one-to-one retreat, too, meant naturally that the sole responsibility for making the most of this was mine.
The retreat unfolds on a path unique to you - Jessica doesn't bring a fixed agenda. All you know is that you'll have a morning session and an afternoon session each day, and within that our conversation flowed organically between love, family and work, between the most vexing of existential conundrums and the most concrete strategies for managing office hours at home. You're encouraged to bring questions and challenges to the ideas in Jessica's book, and she has at her fingertips examples and exercises that she deploys to bring clarity, heart and insight to any given moment, ranging freely between Vedic texts, workplace anecdote, details of her own relationship and theories of contemporary psychology.
“This wasn’t talking therapy as I’ve known it - it was proactive coaching, on an energetic level, less unearthing past experience and more unfolding and liberating the energy tied up in redundant beliefs and attitudes in the present”
The book touches on themes I have encountered before, yet the warmth, humour and grounded authenticity of Jessica's voice are their own quiet revelation when experienced face-to-face. The emphasis of the Is This It? Retreat is the integration of the spiritual with everyday life - for Jessica, they are one and the same thing, and what we circled back to time and time again, is that every real-world dilemma can be answered by deferring to your heart, the spokesperson for the soul. There is true simplicity to Jessica's attitude to life - if you act and speak in energetic congruence with your own truth, all will be well.
There are of course paradoxes and challenges inherent to this approach, which I relished attempting to throw down like so many gauntlets along the way, yet each was met effortlessly with an intuitive and revelatory response. What I loved was the generosity of Jessica's spirit; hers is energy that reaches through the screen and meets you unwaveringly. At the end of our two days, she told me that she feels energised, not drained, by her intensive one-to-one retreats, and that is what powers and infuses the long sessions.
I found that what I was learning and exploring with Jessica could be put to use immediately - a rare benefit of retreating on your home turf. On the evening of Day One, I remembered our conversation about qualities of listening, how to listen in a way that truly connects, and lo and behold, when my partner began to discuss a work dilemma, I found myself able to be present and receptive in a way that made our communication palpably more satisfying. Later that same evening, I swayed like bamboo in the wind in the face of confrontation and found that a burgeoning disagreement about the oversaturation of a plant was headed off at the pass, ensuring a peaceful night's sleep.
During the retreat Jessica took me through a visualisation exercise to identify my five key values, which we were then able to return to when exploring scenarios either past, present or future - in any given situation, the simple question came back: are these values being met? Similarly, no matter the context, there was no situation where the question 'What would love do?' didn't stop me in my tracks. These felt like such simple strategies to bring me back into alignment with my own energy, my own truth, and those 'a-ha' moments that Jessica refers to so often in her book were happening in real time. It was a real boost and relief to feel guided in this way.
We naturally covered the origins of certain beliefs or fears in my life, but this wasn't talking therapy as I've known it - it was proactive coaching, on an energetic level, less unearthing past experience and more unfolding and liberating the energy tied up in redundant beliefs and attitudes in the present. Soulful strategy, you might say, that returns you again and again to the place where you can find clarity - your own body. How things *feel* is the most reliable indication of their congruence with your own nature and your own wishes. Returning to the breath, feeling anchored in the present, will always take you back there.
Jessica introduced me to the Passion Test, a simple 'either/or' exercise that gets you into your intuition. If you can't decide between chicken korma and lasagne for your dinner tonight, think of it like this: either you can have the korma this evening, but then never so much as sniff a lasagne again, or you can have lasagne now but never again enjoy a chicken korma. Your gut will reliably tell you which you are better able to forgo. The dinner examples are my own, admittedly, but the principle is universally applicable. We covered what feels like an ever-expanding galaxy of questions and ideas over two days, extrapolated from all of which Jessica left me with a handful of simple undertakings to maintain over coming weeks: to meditate for ten minutes every day and to be in energetic congruence as much as possible.
Knowing that I would be seeing her again in a series of follow-up sessions added extra weight to these commitments. How many times have I pledged to start every day with a cup of hot water and lemon, knowing I'll never see anyone from my retreat ever again... This time, it felt different. At the end of the retreat, I felt calm and energised in the knowledge that if I apply these tools to return to myself in the present, I will have all I need to make good decisions, to connect with the people around me, and to trust life as it is.
