Detoxing our diet and hiking above the clouds at Yeotown Madeira
Alice Barraclough reviews an invigorating health and wellness retreat in Madeira, where despite the caffeine withdrawals, she finds that walking in the wild gives her a greater appreciation for the vast outdoors
I’m gazing down at the undulating path, twisting and turning around the side of the most dramatic cliff which resembles something out of Jurassic Park, when the fog suddenly lifts and gives way to gobsmacking views across the ravines and deep gorges below. I catch myself saying ‘wow’ out loud, as my eyes widen to soak in the cinematic, mountain-strewn landscape. It’s so unbelievably magical, I half expect a fire-breathing dragon to swoop past.
I’m on the Portuguese island of Madeira, hiking between Pico do Arieiro (1,181m) and Pico Ruivo (1,861m), the highest points of the mountainous volcanic island, as part of Yeotown Madeira’s ‘Yeotox’ retreat.
At some points, the path turns into a series of questionable looking metal steps that are simply bolted into the rocks like a ladder. It’s not for those afraid of heights or who suffer from vertigo. And when the sheet of cloud suddenly envelops us – hiding the severity of the drop below – I'm glad to have a waterproof jacket and several layers.
I’m on the opening week of the retreat, where, alongside six other women, we’ve signed up for five days of coastal and mountain hiking, sunrise yoga, fitness sessions, nutrition talks, ocean swimming and a complete diet overhaul. Why? Well, everyone has their own reasons, but for me, after spending two years of on-and-off training for the London Marathon (thank you, Covid19) and finally completing it last month, my fitness and diet routine has gone from regimented to completely non-existent. I’ve pretty much fuelled off straight-up carbs for the past six months, and put on nearly a stone in weight. I needed to hit the reset button.
When I arrive at Yeotown, which is just a short 45-minute taxi ride from the airport in Funchal to the sunny south coast of Calheta, a sense of calm fills the stone-walled 17th Century farmhouse. Situated on a vineyard, it’s filled with quirky antiques, colourful throws and wooden shutters. It’s not pretentious at all and doesn’t scream ‘health’. Instead, it’s got this home-away-from-home, rustic chic feeling.
“I catch myself saying ‘wow’ out loud, as my eyes widen to soak in the cinematic, mountain-strewn landscape. It’s so unbelievably magical, I half expect a fire-breathing dragon to swoop past”
My room is a spacious cottage located down a perilously steep path five minutes from the main farmhouse. (Note: flip flops do not count as suitable footwear on this hill). Inside, there’s a king-sized bed perching on a mezzanine floor, high above the living area, which has a cosy wood-burning fireplace. There’s also a private balcony area with views overlooking the Atlantic.
My Yeotox journey begins properly the next morning with breakfast – overnight oats with homemade buckwheat granola, pea shoots and fresh berries – sitting in the luscious garden. When the sun shines, I can hardly believe it’s November.
After breakfast, we lace up our walking boots to explore the less populated and craggier side of the north island. As we hike through the forested Levada paths and hilly interior of the island, stopping every so often to catch our breath and smell the fresh rosemary herbs, I feel a million miles away from the hustle and bustle of London. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s my first time abroad since the pandemic started, or because Madeira is particularly beautiful, but I find the panoramic views particularly soul-stirring.
The walk isn’t taxing per se – you certainly don’t need to be an experienced hiker as we cover only around 5-6km – but it’s the elevation that makes it a little tough. We return to Yeotown hungry and ready for our next vegan meal – which is a delicious and beautifully presented dish of sticky barbecue cauliflower wings with coconut and cauliflower rice and broccoli grains and an almond sauce – but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t craving a post-lunch coffee and a bit of chocolate.
The afternoon consists of back-to-back activities; a nutrition talk on how to make Yeotown’s ‘life-changing loaf’ – an alternative to bread which is essentially just a loaf of seeds and nuts glued together with coconut oil and maple syrup – followed by a kettlebell strength and conditioning workout with a SAS-style ex-Italian forces PT and then a gentle sunset yoga stretch. After, comes a slow, earthy massage in one of the candlelit treatment rooms. My calves feel like bricks, so I find it hard to relax when I can feel every knot uncomfortably jolt, but as the masseuse works deeper into the muscle tissue, the tension starts to subside. That night I dine with just a couple of the other women – aged between 30 and 60. I’m in bed asleep by 9.30 pm and have the craziest dreams.
The next morning, I wake to the sound of the dawn chorus and the sight of geckos watching my every move. By 7.15 am I’m on my yoga mat, looking out the still glass-like ocean. Mercedes leads sunrise yoga every morning, and she’s good. Nurturing, calm and non-preachy, Mercedes describes yoga as the taming of a busy mind, which resonates with me deeply.
The days that follow all keep to the same timetable; sunrise yoga, breakfast, hike, lunch, workshops, sunset yoga, massage, dinner. The only things that change throughout the five days are the destination (and distance) that we hike, the afternoon activities and the menu. There are additional therapies you can book - reiki or reflexology, canyoning or surfing all come at an additional cost.
On day two, my caffeine withdrawal was so bad, I had to miss out on the afternoon activities and take an hour’s nap after lunch instead. I was seriously struggling so much to keep my eyes open. My head throbbed – I felt wrecked – but Simon reassured me that this was all part of the detox process and a dip in energy is normal.
My stomach was also noticeably bloated and swollen, due to the sudden increase in fibre in my diet (and reduction in everything else). Now I understood why they strongly suggested that we avoided caffeine, refined sugar, alcohol, meat, pasteurised dairy and wheat the week before we arrived – as it can take a little time for your microbiota to adjust to the increased intake of fibre. If only I’d listened.
As a water baby by nature, my favourite afternoon activity was ocean swimming. Formed by volcanic lava and filled with crystal-clear seawater, the natural sea pool carved out of the jagged rocks was honestly the most magical place I’ve ever swum – and at 22 degrees, it was hardly cold.
Overall, this retreat is perfect for fitness outdoor types who want to soak in some Vitamin D and escape to the fresh mountain air. The dramatic landscape honestly blew me away and made me appreciate the untouched beauty of nature. Just don’t expect to drop a dress size, as while your diet will consist of fresh plant-based produce – and no naughty preservatives – five days isn’t quite long enough for your gut to go over the initial gassy phase. Like every retreat, the benefits really start to show when you get back home. Of course, you’re not expected to hike mountains for a couple of hours every day or suddenly cut out seven different food groups, but if you could make one tweak to a healthier, more energetic you, then it’s a trip worth investing in. One week on from returning, and I’m still yet to have a cup of coffee.
Since Alice’s visit, Yeotown Madeira has moved base to a different venue on the island.
